


Open Your Eyes

by Polarnacht



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Caring, Disobeying Authorities, Fluff, Happy Ending, Love, M/M, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Feels, Sleepy Cuddles, Smut, The Clave (Shadowhunter Chronicles), parabatai love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:07:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24338614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht
Summary: Jace dies at Lake Lynn by the hands of his father and when the Angel brings him back to life, he feels different. There is something dark inside him that needs to be dealt with. Next to this, his long buried feelings for his Parabatai surface with an intensity that demands action. Both Alec and Jace have to decide what risks they are willing to take in order to be together.A story about Parabatai love, fighting the evil and defying the Clave.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 31
Kudos: 110
Collections: Banned Together Bingo 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Snow Patrol

Jace was familiar with the feeling of being lonely. He had felt lonely a lot as a child, growing up with only his father as company. He knew the difference of being lonely because you were alone and being lonely because you felt alone – the latter clearly the worse.

Yet, Jace had never felt as alone as now, standing at the edge of Lake Lynn, facing Valentine – his father – with a sword in hand. Both men were ready to kill each other. Even after all that had happened it hurt nevertheless to see the determination in Valentine’s expression while feeling his own reluctance to kill at the same time. He was not ready to kill his father, yet he was about to do it.

Somewhere close by was Clary, immobilized by Valentine, though Jace didn’t feel her presence. The only thing he felt was Alec’s absence, the absence of his Parabatai. Too late he had realized that it had been a mistake to split up, that he needed him close by to be able to fulfill the task he was given. He missed his reassuring presence, their synchronized heartbeats, the affection and calmness which swept always through their bond when in battle – or anywhere, to be honest.

But there was nothing he could do about it now, so Jace just gripped the sword tighter, facing the man who had raised him. He knew he had to end it here. Valentine was about to rise the Angel Raziel to wipe out the Downworld and the only thing which stood between Valentine and the summoning of the Angel was Jace. The blond swallowed and charged at his father.

The gurgling sound Clary made while trying to free herself from Valentine’s vessels, distracted Jace only for a split second, but it was long enough for Valentine. Just in time Jace saw the blow coming and he deflected it by pure instinct, his angelic powers kicking in. Yet, the blow was strong enough to bring him to his knees. The second strike tore the sword from his grip and it landed with a loud bang beside him, too far away for him to reach it. He looked up and saw his father towering over him, a grim expression on his face.

“I’m sorry, son. Did you kill your brother, Jonathan?” Jace wondered for a moment what this had to do with anything and if lying was a better option. But he had nothing to lose, so he just nodded. He had killed his so called brother, the other Jonathan. Valentine’s real son. And it had felt good.

“Creating him was a mistake. His demon blood made him uncontrollable, the balance of the world shifted. I needed to create a counterpart. I needed to create you. Therefore you must also die now, son, as neither of you can die while the other survives. I’m sorry son, but I cannot let you live. I love you.” With that he drove his blade into Jace’s chest.

Jace didn’t understand much of what Valentine was telling him, only the last part stuck. Finally he understood the true meaning behind Valentine’s mantra, to love is to destroy. He felt the agony of his Parabatai bond being snapped apart the moment the blade entered his chest. The moment the sword pierced his heart everything stopped. Pain, loneliness, hope, love, everything came to a halt while his heart stopped beating and his blood poured out of the gaping wound, running towards the lake, the last sacrifice necessary to rise an Angel. The blood of the son for one wish from the Angel.

***

Darkness surrounded him when Jace came back to consciousness. He felt someone beside him, but couldn’t figure out who it was. His chest hurt and his mind seemed unable to focus. What had happened? He remembered his father’s apologetic gaze while he drove the sword into his body. He remembered he should be dead. Jace forced his eyes open with all the willpower he had. He was still lying near the lake. There was no sign of the Angel or his father.

Clary cried out in relieve when he slowly blinked his eyes open, pulling him into a tight hug. He struggled, he didn’t want to be hugged, he wanted to know what had happened. With Clary’s help he sat up, now seeing Valentine’s corpse lying a few feet away. He shook his head to chase away the memories and trying to chase them at the same time. Clary was crying. She was covered in blood, but it didn’t seem to be her own. Probably his – or Valentine’s. Most probably from both of them. Jace just looked between Valentine’s body and her and she nodded.

“I exchanged the summoning sigils in the sand and the Angel thought I summoned him. He answered to me and killed Valentine for me,” she managed to stammer between two sobs, “and then I wished for your life. And you came back. You really did.” She tried to hug him again, but Jace just shrugged her off. It felt wrong. It felt wrong to be here at the edge of Lake Lynn and it felt wrong to be hugged by her. His hands wandered to his hip, searching for something he knew had snapped. But to his surprise, his hands didn’t find a scar but smooth skin. His Parabatai rune stood as black as ever against his slightly bronzed skin. He gulped and tried to swallow down the panic. He didn’t feel Alec, yet he should feel him. Was there something wrong? With their bond or with Alec himself?

He tried to focus. His feelings, except for the fear for Alec, felt dulled, his movements were slowed down. He felt cold all over and his chest, though the wound had closed without having left a scar behind, still hurt immensely. He felt like he was trapped in between places, not dead but not fully alive. In the distant he heard footsteps, but he couldn’t bring himself to move, even though he didn’t know if enemy or friend was approaching.

The moment the steps stopped beside him, the moment he felt strong, familiar arms around him. With a sigh, he relaxed into the firm embrace, inhaling Alec’s scent and absorbing his warmness. He felt his heart pick up speed, matching Alec’s quickened pace. It felt good. The blood pumping through his veins brought warmness and slowly, he felt himself adjusting, adjusting to life again. Together with that, he felt the bond settling in, the empty feeling vanished and was replaced by the constant flow of emotions he had been used to feel before he had died – just that he felt them now stronger, so much stronger.

“Sh, I’ve got you.” Alec’s words reached him in a way Clary’s hadn’t been able to. He nodded, pressing himself closer into Alec’s chest, a faint smile tugging on his lips. Alec would always have him. That much he knew.

***

Jace couldn’t recall how he had managed to get back to the Institute. Probably Alec had dragged or carried him more than he had walked. He still didn’t feel entirely in control of himself. Yet, the steady humming in his Parabatai bond was reassuring, as was Alec’s presence. Without a question, both ended up in Alec’s room.

Alec looked once at him, his gear ripped apart with a huge hole in the chest, his hair muddy with bloody strains, his whole body dirty with slush and tried blood before he commanded “strip” in a gentle but firm voice. Seeing Jace’s shaking hands he helped him after he turned on the shower to warm it up. When Jace was naked except for his boxers, Alec pushed him gently into the hot stream of water, before he himself stripped, also leaving his briefs on, before he joined Jace in the hot shower.

With gentle hands he scrubbed Jace clean. He started at his shoulders and made his way down to his chest and belly, legs and feet. He covered every part of the blond’s body with foam, before he rinsed it clean, the hot water turning Jace’s skin into a healthy shade of red. After a questioningly raised eyebrow and Jace’s tired nod of approval, Alec pulled his boxers down to clean him also there. He poured a handful of shampoo into his hands and started to massage Jace’s scalp, scratching lightly with his fingernails over sensitive skin, just as the blond liked it. Jace felt more like himself with every part of his body that got cleaned and more alive with every drop of blood that vanished from his body into the sink.

The water had the color of a muddy red, it took a while before it turned into a lighter shade to finally turn clear. Even after that, the two boys stayed in the shower until all hot water was used. Jace had closed his eyes and was leaning against the shower wall, enjoying the tender touches and the hot water on his skin. He feared if he opened his eyes he would find himself back at Lake Lynn, Alec and his care being just a cruel imagination of his mind.

After the water had turned too cold to be comfortable, Alec helped Jace out of the shower and rubbed him dry with a soft towel, ignoring the small sounds of protest.

“Please, let me.” Jace looked up and nodded. If he was honest, he wanted nothing more than Alec to go on and to indulge in the feeling of being cared for as long as he was permitted to.

When he was dry, Alec roamed quickly in his wardrobe, tossing Jace underwear and a clean shirt, before he dressed himself. While they had been in the shower, someone, most probably Izzy, had slipped them some food inside. He grabbed it and settled on the bed, waiting for Jace to join him. They hadn’t spoken much so far, the physical closeness more important than anything else.

Slowly, Jace sat down next to Alec, reaching for the biscuits. He was not hungry, but felt he could do with the sugar. Alec put the blanket over them, before he handed over the package. Jace cocked an eyebrow.

“I’m allowed to eat in your bed?” He knew how much Alec hated crumbles in the bed.

“You died, I guess this counts as a special occasion.” Jace felt Alec tense while saying that, his brown eyes locking on his, as if searching for something. Jace hesitated, but only a second. He knew he had to keep Clary’s wish a secret, but this was Alec. He must have felt the rune vanish and come back anyway. And it was Alec, as simple as that.

“I did.” He felt his voice crack. He hadn’t yet wrapped his head around it. His father really had killed him. He had died. Yet, here he was, sitting in Alec’s bed, eating biscuits. He smiled when he felt the tension leave Alec’s body, the older boy clearly relieved that Jace didn’t lie.

“We have to look into it and find out what that entails. But this is for tomorrow.” Jace nodded, and was glad when he felt Alec’s arms around him again. He sighed contently and rested his head against his Parabatai’s chest. An unknown tiredness overcame him and his eyes fluttered shut, feeling safe in the warm embrace.


	2. Chapter 2

Jace woke up, still wrapped up securely in his Parabatai’s arms. He smiled when he saw the relaxed expression on Alec’s face, more relaxed than he had seen him in a while. The last days and weeks had been hard on everyone in their little group. They all had fought in a war, which would be enough on its own, but all had to carry their own packages alongside with it.

The back and forth between him and Clary, about them being siblings or not, had put an end to their short relationship. Though they had found out in the end that they were not related by blood, Jace couldn’t think of her anymore as a lover. He truly hoped that they could establish a friendship or something similar to a brother-sister-relationship.

Izzy would have to find a way to deal with her yin-fen addiction. She was clean now, which was a blessing and sign of her strength – yet, the path ahead was not an easy one.

Alec had found and lost his first boyfriend. Magnus and he had tried to get past the lost trust after the incident with Camille, Magnus’ ex. As Magnus had hidden his past from Alec, the Shadowhunter had taken matters into his own hands when Camille had shown up, tempting him with answers Magnus was not ready to give just yet. Alec had known that it had been wrong, but he hadn’t been able to help himself. Magnus had ended things, and though they had shortly tried to be together again, both had had to admit that it was just not working anymore, the rift too deep between them.

They all had been fooled by Sebastian – or better to say – Jonathan Morgenstern, who had been able to worm his way into their group, nearly killing Max when their little brother had discovered his true identity. Jace had been able to kill him in the end, but he heard his father’s words ringing in his ears. _“Neither can die while the other survives.”_ He didn’t know what to make of it. Jonathan was dead – he had to be. He had rammed a sword into his chest, not much unlike his father had done to him. Jonathan had fallen into a river, so they had not been able to recover his body – yet Jace was sure that it had been a fatal blow. But he had also received a fatal blow and was alive, so what if?

Alec stirred lightly next to him, interrupting his line of thoughts.

“You’re really here.”

“Where else would I be,” Jace answered with a small smirk.

“I don’t know. Lying dead next to Lake Lynn maybe?” Alec fought hard to keep the accusation out of his tone, but failed. The day before the relieve of finding Jace alive, of still being able to hold him and feel his heartbeat against his own had overweight anything else, but now was different.

“You promised to be careful.” His voice sounded harsher than he meant to, but he couldn’t help the anger sweeping in.

Jace felt laughter building in his stomach, but he swallowed it down, knowing that Alec was not in the mood for laughing it away. When he thought of the pain he had briefly felt in his Parabatai rune before it had snapped apart, he could understand Alec. Slowly he reached over to him, brushing gently one strain of his unruly dark hair aside.

“I’m sorry Alec. So sorry. For hurting you. For scaring you. For not listening to you.”

Alec had opted against them being apart for the battle – and of course he had been right.

Jace’s genuine tone as much as his words soothed Alec’s sudden anger.

“I really thought you’re dead. I didn’t know how to carry on,” he whispered, his voice barely audible.

“But you would have.” Jace’s tone was sharp, but the raven boy just shrugged. He really didn’t know. The feeling of their bond being severed by force was the most painful emotion he had ever gone through - not only physical, but also emotional and mental wise.

In a way he had known that he had always loved Jace, even during the time he had been with Magnus. Jace’s death, as short as it had been, just had painfully reminded him of the fact. He really didn’t know if he were able to live not only through the loss of his soulmate, but also his one true love.

“Just don’t do that again. Ever.”

Jace really laughed now. “I don’t know if I can promise that. But I try harder.”

“Good. So what happened?” Alec stated questioningly, one eyebrow raised while scrutinizing the blond. Jace’s sudden outburst of laughter died under the older boy’s stern gaze.

Jace sighed, chewing on his inner cheek, before he started to tell his story. He told Alec everything. About his reluctance to kill the father he still loved in a way, about the feeling of being stabbed to death by the man who had raised him, about death itself. He told him about the blackness and nothingness he had felt and about the odd feeling when he had woken up again. About sensing that one part of him still was trapped in the world of the death, a feeling that only had vanished when Alec had closed his arms around him, providing him with the safety and protection he desperately needed. He mentioned Clary’s wish to the angel and how the angel had killed Valentine. He told Alec everything there was to tell - except his father’s last words about being entwined with Jonathan, not knowing exactly why he kept it a secret. But the revelation had scared him, and he felt how scared Alec had been and still was. He didn’t want to add to it. He wanted to protect his Parabatai.

When he ended, Alec nodded, biting his lip. He should have been there. He should have protected Jace, from being killed as much as from having to kill Valentine.

“You know that he was never worthy of you. Of your love.”

Jace just shrugged. Alec pushed Jace lightly, until the blond looked up and their eyes met.

“And if you don’t know it just yet, you will know it soon. You are worth of everything Jace. Even the Angel Raziel thought that. But as I’ve said yesterday, we have to look into it. Bringing back the dead always has consequences. We just need to find out which ones.”

***

Looking into it was easier said than done. There were just no precedents. Dying and being brought back by an angel was a unique case, even for Shadowhunters. They told Izzy all what needed to be told and the four of them went through all books the huge lnstitute library offered, though Clary insisted that nothing had happened, that everything was fine. An angel had brought Jace back, surely indication enough that nothing bad could come out of it. But the other three, especially Jace who still heard his father’s words in his mind, pressed on and even if somehow reluctantly, Clary followed the other’s lead.

***

Jace was surrounded by darkness. He was in an unfamiliar corridor, the whitchlight he carried not bringing any light. He tightened the grip on his blade while he moved on, as quietly as possible. The corridor led into a huge room that was lit by a few torches. After the blinding darkness Jace’s eyes needed some time to adjust. The room was seemingly empty, yet Jace felt a chill running down his spine, his skin breaking into goosebumps. He shivered.

On the far end of the room was a mirror, to which he felt drawn inevitably. Slowly, his hand still holding tightly to his sword, he moved forward. Jace looked into the mirror and saw himself reflected, blond hair, mismatched eyes, slightly paler than usual. Just when he wanted to turn around, something in the mirror caught his eye. He had detected a slight movement. Jace gasped in surprise when the image before him changed, his blond hair turning into red, his eyes changing the color from blue to green, his mouth snapping into a snarl. It was no longer him who looked back, but Jonathan, the brother he had killed.

“You are mine, little brother.” Jace jerked back at the cold words that were followed by maniac laughter.

“Jace.” Alec’s soft voice rang through the room. Jace turned around to see his Parabatai approach in quick steps. He looked back at the mirror and to his horror he realized that Jonathan was about to escape it. His head and upper body had already left the mirror, reaching out to him, and all Jace was able to do was stare. He commanded his body to move, to raise his sword arm to attack, to defend, but nothing happened. He stood there rooted to the spot. Jonathan laughed again, before he emerged totally form the mirror, slipping into Jace as one slipped into a custom made suit, taking over his brother’s body with a frightening ease.

Jace felt himself turn around, facing Alec again. The arm that had disobeyed him earlier went up, and in one harsh blow, he buried the blade deep in Alec’s chest, watching in horror and fascination the blood pouring out of the gaping wound when he pulled the sword back.

Alec’s eyes widened in surprise and disbelieve, before he hit the floor with a gurgling sound, his hands clutched over his heart, trying to stop the bleeding.

***

Jace awoke with the same gurgling noise, his hands pressed to his heart, the blood drumming in his veins.

_A dream. Just a dream._

But why did it feel so real?

***

Jace felt Alec’s lingering look on him whenever the archer thought he was not noticing it.

“What’s wrong?” Jace sounded weary when he finally found the strength to question Alec about the looks. They sat on a small couch that stood in the corner of the library, both huge books on their laps. With a loud clap Alec threw the book shut, closing his eyes briefly, taking his time before he answered. He knew, better he felt, that there was something wrong with Jace, but it was hard to voice his concerns. Jace had always felt unworthy of love and affection, he feared that he would add to this feeling now.

“Jace.”

“Just spill it Alec. You make me nervous.” Jace put his half-read book on the table in front of them.

“There’s something wrong with you.” Alec cursed inwardly, that had not come out right, judging by the hurt expression that quickly washed over his Parabtai’s face before control took over and the hurt was replaced by a blank face.

Without thinking much, he reached out and pulled Jace closer. Lately he had the urgent need to be physical close to him, the closeness soothing something in him he couldn’t quite explain. Just that he felt so much better when he felt Jace’s body next to his, pressed against him, keeping him grounded. And the way Jace relaxed into his touch told him the blond felt the same.

“That was a great start, sorry. You know I’m not good with words. It’s just, Jace… I can feel a darkness sometimes surrounding you through our bond. It’s as if a shadow is lingering over you. Especially in the mornings. It’s fading during the day.”

Jace bit his lip, but nodded slowly. He felt it too. He just had wondered if the darkness had always been there or if it truly was a new development. If the darkness was just part of him, like it had been part of his brother and father. It got better over the day, but he suspected it was not time that made it better, but Alec’s presence.

When he spent the nights with Alec, he felt normal in the morning. In the nights with Alec, he never had nightmares, as if Alec shielded him from the bad dreams. But if he slept alone, the same reoccurring nightmares surfaced. It was always Jonathan who appeared in his dreams, wearing his usual superior expression tainted with madness, laughing at him and challenging him. There was always a mirror when Jonathan’s voice rang in his ears and no matter how hard he tried, he always ended up looking into it, his features turning into Jonathan’s. And then he killed Alec. Every single time he killed him. And it felt so real, the blood on his hands, the feeling of the blade entering Alec’s body. He had felt it before, it was a unique feeling when the soft flesh gave in and a blade entered a body, tearing apart skin, tendons and bones. It was a unique sensation when you felt life leaving the person in front of you, the look of your victim shifting from surprise, to disbelief, to death.

And Jonathan felt real. The way he moved in his dreams, the way he spoke. He could feel his presence. Somehow, Jonathan had survived. Jace was sure, even if he had no glue how that had happened or how to explain it without sounding crazy.

He had not told Alec about his dreams nor anybody else. He looked down, contemplating if he should or shouldn’t tell it, when he felt Alec’s hand on his chin, forcing him to look at him.

“Talk to me, Jace. Please.”

Jace looked up and got lost in Alec’s warm eyes for a moment. If he was honest with himself, he had always felt drawn to the older boy, but he had never felt worthy of his love. And with becoming Parabatai, he had closed this door firmly, the laws very clear about it and the Clave as strict as ever in holding up this law. Committing the crime of Eros between Parabatai was to be punished by de-runing. But now, having died and having been given a second chance, he just couldn’t help but think _fuck the Clave. Fuck their laws. Fuck them all._

Yet, he was not sure what Alec felt. He was quite sure that Alec had loved him once, but this had been before Magnus, before Clary, before he had messed things up. But he couldn’t deny his Parabatai’s request now, it was as if Alec’s soul in him pushed him inevitably in this direction. He needed to tell him about the dreams. About Jonathan’s comeback, about the killing. He just kept his father’s words to himself. _Neither can die while the other survives._

“So just don’t.” Alec looked at him, nodding to emphasize his words.

“Don’t what?” Jace was not sure what Alec was talking about.

“Don’t sleep alone. Sleep with me. When it only occurs when you’re not with me, the solution is so easy.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to…”

“I am sure. I sleep better with you next to me anyway.” A small smile had appeared on Alec’s serious face. It was true. Ever since Jace had died, he had not slept well, often waking up with a gasp, searching frantically for Jace, before realizing that Jace was not there but alive, the bond reassuring him that his Parabatai was safe and sound in his room. Well, maybe not exactly sound, but at least safe.

“Do you really think Jonathan is somehow back?”

Jace nodded reluctantly. He knew it sounded crazy, but something in his guts told him it was true, that the dreams were more than just nightmares.

“Are you not worried about the me-killing-you-part?”

Alec shook his head firmly. “No, not at all. I know you would never hurt me.”

“But we need to find out more about all of it. How Jonathan could have managed to come back to life. And if it he truly is back, we need to figure out what he wants and how we can kill him once and for all.”

Jace yawned, stretching his tired muscles. “We add this to the pile we need to find out. I hate research.” He smiled at Alec, not being able to express how grateful he was for Alec’s support. That he believed him. But he hoped the older boy could feel his gratitude through their bond.

Alec chuckled at that, Jace had never been the most patient person. This hadn’t changed.

“Let’s get to bed and get some rest first.”

***

Alec lay awake, he couldn’t sleep. Jace was safely tugged under his chin, his head was resting on his chest. They had started on different sides on the bed, but soon after Jace had fallen asleep, he had gravitated towards Alec, not stopping until Alec had put his arms around him. Alec had felt the blond relax immediately in his sleep, the restlessness turning into a calm breathing. He looked younger in his sleep Alec thought. He didn’t mind Jace snuggling up to him, not at all. This was not the reason he couldn’t sleep. Something in the corner of his mind was bugging him, there was something important he should remember but just didn’t.

Despite their closeness, he reached through their bond to feel if Jace was ok. It seemed like he slept very peacefully, but he just wanted to be sure that he really didn’t have nightmares of any kind. Their bond was more open and rawer then it had been in a long time, it felt as strong as it had felt right after their runing ceremony. And somehow this was not so hard to explain. Their runes had vanished, even if only briefly, and with Jace’s return to the living, they and their bond had been renewed, taking over the state it had been directly after it had been established. It felt even more intense. He felt his soul more interlined than ever, as if the part of Jace’s soul buried in his own was bigger than before.

_Renewed. Their bond had been renewed._

Suddenly it dawned him. Alec knew what was wrong with Jace, what had nagged at him for a while now.

He shook his head lightly, doubting himself and the others for not thinking of it earlier.

Jace lacked the protection every Shadowhunter was given at birth through a Silent Brother. This protection shielded their minds from demonic influence and such things and probably Jace was missing this now, leaving him vulnerable to whatever was going on with Jonathan. Their bond was renewed, but not the protection. Their Parabatai bond was somehow protecting Jace whenever they were close, his soul shielding Jace’s. For now, this solution was fine, but they needed to find a permanent one, without telling the Clave what really had happened at Lake Lynn. All of them feared what the Clave might do to Clary for wasting a wish like that and also what the Clave would do with Jace. Better not to find out. The only problem was that they needed to find a Silent Brother who was willing to perform the ritual without involving the Clave. It sounded impossible, but at least they had a plan now.

Jace shifted slightly in his sleep and Alec used the chance to find a more comfortable position. Now with his mind at ease and his arms wrapped even tighter around the blond, it took him not long to fall asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to update this story, I hope you'll enjoy chapter 3.

It was a nice feeling to wake up entangled every morning, to not have to worry or to have to check the bond for the presence of the other. Alec thought he could get used to it. He wondered how Jace felt about it, about them, if he felt also more since he had come back from the dead.

Ever since Lake Lynn, Alec was more sure than ever that his feelings were not strictly parabataily. He had known it before, but suppressed it. Now, with the new found rawness and openness, there was no place for denial any more. Yet, the same old problem remained: it was forbidden by the Clave, one of the ancient laws set in stone. And the law was hard but it was the law. But Alec had no idea how he should go on like that forever.

Gently he ran his fingers through Jace’s slightly dumb hair, smiling when he felt his Parabatai relax under the touch. No, he had no idea how to keep his feelings hidden any longer, especially with them being so close now on every level.

_Fuck the Clave. Fuck their laws._

He sighed and pushed the thoughts away, first they had to focus on other things, the tasks at hand: Finding a Silent Brother who would help them and finding out more about Jonathan.

Right after his discovery about Jace missing the basic mind shield, he had filled in Jace and the girls. Clary had been surprised, no one had told her about the protection given to every Shadowhunter, a fact that reminded Alec that they really needed to teach her the basics. It was dangerous in their line of work to have to rely on guessing or half-truths. Clary had come up with a great idea. She had wondered if Jace were not able to train his mind enough to protect itself, taking the needed strength and protection from Alec’s soul. Though neither of them knew how and if it worked, it was worth a try. Since then, Jace trained his awareness of Alec’s soul inside of him, trying to use their deep bond not only as a protection inwardly, but using it also as an outwards shield to protect him from the darkness that wanted to take control.

Alec smiled down at his still sleeping Parabatai and shook him lightly.

“Hey, Jace, wake up. Time to get ready.” Maryse, who was still the Head of the Institute, wanted to see them first thing in the morning. Alec was a bit weary of their encounter, their relationship had suffered a lot lately.

They had never been overly close. His mother had raised all of them more like soldiers than like actual children. Honoring the Lightwood name and seizing political power had always been the main goals in her life. He feared that his brief relationship with Magnus – a man and a Downworlder – had strained their bond beyond repair. He wondered what she would say if she learned about his feelings towards his Parabatai now, if the thought of him dating a warlock was not so bad in comparison. At least it hadn’t been illegal.

“First I need coffee. Tons of it.” Jace yawned and blinked a few times to get rid of the last traces of sleep. He felt better now, having slept curled up into his Parabatai for the last few nights. He was a bit embarrassed, but no matter where he fell at sleep and with how much distance, he always ended up in Alec’s arms. Though he had the feeling that the older boy didn’t mind too much.

***

Maryse sat behind her desk, glaring coldly at the two men in front of her. She didn’t bother to stand up to greet them, nor offering them to sit.

“Alec, you are requested in Idris for a special mission. They need a skilled archer, and there are not many at your level.” What could have been a praise was none. Her disapproval of her son’s weapon of choice was clearly audible in every word.

Alec nodded curtly, his hands behind his back, his legs hip-width apart – the perfect soldier stance. He didn’t allow himself to feel sad that this was the only way he felt himself capable of facing his mother.

“When are we leaving?”

“There is no _we_. Idris needs only you and we need Jace here. Demonic activity has increased.”

“But…”

Maryse just raised an eyebrow. “Is there a problem?” Her voice sounded deadly, indicating that there better be none.

Alec felt Jace’s hand on his elbow, squeezing him lightly.

“No problem at all. Do you have specifics already?”

Alec wanted to interrupt again, but when he felt Jace’s grip tighten, he backed down. It would do them no good anyway, there was no way that they could make Maryse understand how important it was that the two of them stayed together.

***

Alec looked concerned at his Parabatai.

“Don’t worry, Alec. I’ll be careful,” Jace said with a slight wink that was as much teasing as it was covering up his own insecurity.

“Ouch. Too soon?” Jace was rubbing his arm where Alec had punched him. Hard. Alec was certain that there was never a time where that joke was not too soon.

“You’ll be okay,” he asked the blond, trying to conceal his concern and failing miserably.

“Yes, I’ll be fine. It’s just one night. We have to see if the mind training works out anyway. Or I just won’t sleep and use my stamina rune instead. It’s just one night, Alec. I’ll manage.”

Alec sighed, but there was nothing they could change about the fact that he had an assignment in Idris and Jace missions here in New York. But one night was doable without sleep, they all had done it in the past.

“Take care of yourself, Alec. Come back to me. That’s an order.” It was only half a joke, and the way Jace looked up to him while saying these words made Alec swallow hard. The want he saw there, the desire, the possessiveness. The way Jace’s eyes followed the movement of his Adam’s apple made his mouth go dry. Sometime – soon - they needed to talk. About this. About them.

***

Unfortunately it wasn’t just one night. Alec’s mission in Idris proofed to be more complicated than expected, and he had to prolong his stay. Jace on the other hand was busy with the demons that had chosen that exact point of time to invade New York. He wondered if this was pure coincidence or if a greater power was at work here. In the first night, he had managed to stay awake, Clary and Izzy helping him. He also had tried to shield his mind, but with Alec so far away he felt vulnerable and not able to close it off sufficiently.

After the second day of Alec’s absence, all three of them were exhausted. They needed rest to be able to face the next day with probably the next demon attacks. It was already early morning anyway, the demons had kept them up nearly the whole night.

Izzy and Clary offered both to stay awake with him, but Jace could tell how tired they were. It was just too dangerous to keep them from the needed sleep. His body and mind were tired as well, yet he didn’t dare to sleep. Two days and one night without Alec and he already felt a dark presence inside of him. He felt it closing around him, the more tired he got the faster he felt the shadows taking over.

But he missed Alec not only because of that. He was so used to being close to him now. Before dying at Lake Lynn, he was sure that he would have suppressed this feeling, telling himself how stupid it was, how petty. But somehow he wasn’t that person anymore. Love was not a weakness, no matter what his father had kept telling him. Love was strength. He felt it now with his Parabatai missing, how much stronger he felt and had always felt when Alec was close by.

Jace settled down with a book in the most uncomfortable chair possible. Just a few more hours and the Institute would wake up again. He just needed to stay awake a little longer. He just…

***

He was surrounded by darkness, no ray of light visible. It was pitch black. He stumbled forward, a blade in hand, ready to attack or defend. He tried to remember what he was doing there, but the only thing he felt was the urge to move forward. He followed the corridor until it bled into a huge room.

Strangely, it looked like the inside space of a church. The part of his mind that still fought the sleep realized that he knew that church. He had seen it before. Before he could wrap his head around what church it was, something in his dream caught his attention.

The huge altar was not a normal one, it looked strange, yet oddly familiar. It looked like a tomb with special, demonic patterns carved into the stone. Blood was running through the patterns, the blood darker than normal mundane blood. The blood looked demonic. It was flowing to the center of the altar and vanishing in a small hole. He shook his head, but couldn’t really make sense out of it.

He froze when he heard someone calling his name. Not someone. Jonathan. Goosebumps broke out on his skin, the call came from the altar – from below the altar to be precise.

In the faint distance Jace heard a woman laugh. “Hello Jace, my darling. You will save my son from the dead. You are the one who will bring him back to life. Neither can die while the other survives.” The soft singsong became louder the longer the voice went on, ending in a crescendo of laughter that made him shiver. “You are my chosen one, Jace. You will suffer for killing my son. He will take over your body and with your face he will kill all the people you love. He will kill your sister Izzy. Your friend Clary. And last, he will kill your precious Parabatai. And all will think that you have killed them, little Jace.”

To Jace’s horror, the altar moved at that moment. With a shrieking sound the top board moved, and Jonathan emerged slowly from the tomb that lay beneath it. The blood from the patterns poured on the floor and on Jonathan, covering him in crimson red. He smiled a wicked smile before he dipped one finger in the fluid, holding the finger to his lips to suck it in, savoring the lifeblood the liquid once had been. His eyes darkened to an even inkier black when he licked around his finger, taking in more drops of the blood.

Jace shuddered at the sight.

When Jonathan turned to him, his mouth was smeared with blood and his teeth sparkled reddish.

“Little brother.” Jace just had blinked once, but in that instant Jonathan had jumped forward and stood now face to face with him. With a bloody smile Jonathan plunged his fist into Jace’s chest, causing his body to jolt with pain. But Jonathan was not aiming for his heart, Jace felt his hand searching for his soul, that was utterly unprotected with Alec so far away. But just when Jonathan was about to grasp his hand around it, Jace felt his training kick in. With all his force, he reached for his Parbatai’s soul buried in his and he felt it flare up inside of him. A blasting light shot out of his chest, making Jonathan fly through the room, crashing against the altar that shattered under the force. Jonathan screamed and screamed, his voice ringing in Jace’s ears.

***

Jace woke with a start. It took him sometime to realize that the ringing voice had been his, that he was the one screaming.

_A dream. It had been only a dream._

Yet, Jace was sure that it had been more than a dream. He knew that church, he had seen it before. He just had to remember where. And he was fairly certain that without his training, Jonathan would have taken control over his soul and thus his body. He needed to be careful. And he needed to tell the others about that church and that woman. She had said that Jonathan was her son… Yes, he definitely needed to talk to the girls. But first he needed coffee and another stamina rune.

***

“I think I know what church you mean, Jace. Your description sounds like that abandoned cathedral where this stupid mundane cult summoned a demon, maybe a year ago? Until we got there half of them had already been eaten by their savior…” Izzy shook her head in dismay, she never could believe why people were so stupid to play with dark powers they had no clue of.

“Oh that sounds about right. I knew I’ve been in this place before. And who do you think this woman was in my dream, vision or whatever?”

Clary made a small sound in the back of her throat. “Valentine told me something at Lake Lynn about Jonathan, after he had killed you Jace. He just couldn’t stop rambling and he told me that he got his demon blood directly from Lilith, the first wife of Adam. So maybe she sees herself as kind of his mother, as he carries her blood? That would also explain how it is possible that he is kind of alive. As far as I understand she is a greater demon with immense powers?”

Jace and Izzy both looked at her and nodded nearly simultaneously.

“She is a greater demon, the mother of all demons so to say. She is indeed very powerful…. So what do we do now?”

“We, big brother, will check out the parameters and see if we can confirm at least the location. And you will stay with either Clary or me the whole time until Alec is back. But I’m glad that your shielding training has worked out. And I’m glad that you trust us enough to tell us everything.”

Jace coughed to hide his faint blush, he was very aware of the fact that he still kept a secret. Something still hold him back to tell the full truth about his deep connection with Jonathan. He told himself that it was to spare them from the truth that maybe he had to die to kill Jonathan for good, ignoring the fact that by lying he protected himself just as much.

***

They found the abandoned cathedral easily after they had looked up its location in old field reports. They spent some hours just observing and they saw several mundanes entering the church. They all had a robotic way of acting that reminded them awfully of someone possessed by a demon. After a while, all of them returned in a group, all looking a lot paler than before.

They decided it was time to move and after applying several combat runes, the three Shadowhunters approached the church. As silently as only trained warriors could, they entered the nave. The altar looked exactly like in Jace’s dream and the sight caused Jace to shiver. But it was not only the altar that made him feel cold, it was the whole atmosphere. A darkness was present that had nothing to do with the dim lightning. Izzy felt Jace tense beside her and she raised an eyebrow, but the blond just shrugged.

The only thing that was missing on the altar was the blood, though it looked that a few moments ago, blood had been floating there, as some red drops still lingered at the edges of the patterns craved into the stone.

At least they knew they were at the right place. They searched the whole church but couldn’t find a sign of Lilith or another woman. They were also not able to get through to whatever was beneath the altar. No matter how much brutal force they applied and no matter which opening rune they drew on the stony tabletop, it remained at its place. With a shrug they agreed to take turns on observing this place. They couldn’t act anyway without Alec. Jace’s signs of distress had increased the longer they had stayed. It was as if something – or someone – was demanding access to his body, mind and soul. He fought it, but he was glad when they were back in the sunlight again

***

The moment Alec stepped through the portal, the moment Jace felt part of the tension leaving his body. Just the thought that his Parabatai was close made him relax inwardly, the dark shadows that had surrounded him being forced to retreat. Not completely though. Jace still felt them, they were lingering, hoping for their chance to attack again. To make him theirs.

Alec looked at his Parabatai and flinched, he saw the dark circles under his eyes, the exhaustion in them. He had felt it through their bond while being away in Idris. He had witnessed from the distance Jace’s figtht to keep the enemy at bay.

Without saying a word, the two men stepped out of the ops center where the portal had appeared, away from the curious looks of the other Shadowhunters. Their bond was closer than before Lake Lynn and they both had the feeling that others started to notice. Both couldn’t bring themselves to care. They ended up in Alec’s room, as so often. The moment the door closed, Alec felt himself been pushed against the door.

“I missed you.” Jace’s eyes were open and vulnerable, the raw edge to his voice clearly audible. His eyes held Alec in place as much as his body, which was pressed against the older boy’s in an attempt to get as much physical contact as possible. Their faces were only inches away.

“I missed you too.” They looked at each other, breathing the air of the other, both not able to voice more, but both clearly wanting to add something.

_Because I need you._

_Because I love you._

_Because I always have and always will._

Alec leaned back against the wall, looking down at the blond. As after Lake Lynn, he didn’t ask what had happened, understanding that speaking was for later. Jace needed something else, they both did. He licked his lips, and he saw Jace’s eyes follow the movement, a hungry expression in them.

“Jace,” he whispered. Just one word, but it said it all. He felt Jace hands on his shoulders, pushing him harder against the wall behind him, both needing the support of the solid bricks. And then, finally, eventually, he felt Jace’s hot lips against his own - first tentative, but then with a force that left him undone.

Willingly he opened his mouth, letting Jace’s tongue in to explore, to take possession. Alec moaned helplessly, while his hands entangled in Jace’s soft blond strains, pulling him closer. Their kiss lasted longer than Alec ever thought possible, but in the end, the need for oxygen won and they pulled back, panting slightly, their eyes locked at each other. Alec smiled when he listened to their bond, the steady hum that got stronger with every second they stood close together. While his arms were wrapped around Jace, he reached out through their bond, embracing Jace’s soul as much as his body. Home. He was home again.

Kissing Alec felt like nothing Jace had done before. He had kissed many people before, but never someone who had truly mattered. It was like life itself. It was like death. It was everything. The moment Alec’s soft lips opened, he couldn’t restrain himself but push forward, claiming the boy in the way he had wanted for so long but always had denied himself. Even lied to himself about, that he truly wanted this. But now, with Alec in front of him, pliant and eager, he knew there was no room for lying or denial anymore. He wanted Alec in every way possible, in every way the older boy was ready to give.

He still was not sure if it was fair to Alec, if he should shield Alec from his darkness, but there was just no way he could hide his emotions anymore. A low groan formed in his throat when he felt the tug on his hair and even though he hadn’t thought possible, he pressed yet a bit closer against his Parabatai. The bond opened even more and the darkness inside of him was chased away a little further - Alec’s presence taking over, his Parabatai’s shining light taking over. Finally, he had to pull away, his lungs screaming for air. But he didn’t pull away far. He could hear Alec’s quickened heartbeat as much as he could feel it against his own. Finally, he was where he belonged.

Alec bit his lower lip. He knew he was lost. But he was not scared, because he knew it was Jace who would find him. But still, he had always been the responsible one. He needed it to be now, at least he needed to try. If they moved on, there was no going back.

“Jace, we can’t. The Clave...”

Alec saw Jace’s eyes darken.

“Fuck the Clave. Fuck their stupid laws.”

Alec knew it was now or never. But one look into Jace’s mismatched eyes was enough to chase away any last doubts. He had made his choice a long time ago anyway.

He felt himself blush and bit his lip once more, but he just couldn’t hold back the next words.

“Actually, I’d rather you fuck me.”

Jace laughed, he hadn’t expected that. A dangerous gleam settled in his eyes while he gripped Alec’s shoulders a little harder.

“Oh, I think I can arrange that,” he murmured seductively, before he kissed Alec again, biting lightly on the older boy’s bottom lip, pulling teasingly, before he swirled around, pushing Alec towards the bed. Without letting go of Alec’s mouth, Jace got rid of his leather jacket.

Alec was still moving backwards when his legs hit the bedframe. Gracefully he landed on his back, pulling Jace with him, one hand entangled in his t-shirt. Jace landed on top of him, a smile on his lips. With a firm grip he removed Alec’s hands from his shirt and pushed them over the archer’s head, immobilizing him while kissing down his neckline, sucking small marks in his soft skin. His marks. A shudder ran over Jace’s spine, thinking of what he was doing. Marking Alec as his. He looked up and the expression in Alec’s eyes took his breath away. The love he saw there, the desire.

“Alec,” he said, a small edge to his tone. He pulled away a little further and his hands let go of Alec’s wrists. Still, Alec didn’t move, he just looked up at Jace, his expression open and vulnerable. The fact that Alec stayed like he had placed him went straight to Jace’s cock and he had to suppress a moan.

“Alec, if we go further… this will be forever.”

At that, Alec finally moved, popping himself up on his elbows, to be closer to Jace. Their mouths nearly touched.

“And we haven’t been forever all along, Jace?”

Of course they had. The moment they had laid eyes on each other, the moment they had clicked. The moment they had been each other’s, though it had taken them a long time to allow themselves to voice it. To truly feel it.

Jace’s last resolve vanished, all he could do was nod. “Always. Forever.” He kissed Alec again and let himself been pulled down once again. He smiled when he felt Alec go pliant under him, his hands finding their way in the blond’s hair. Jace started to explore Alec’s body while his mouth still claimed the older man’s lips.

 _Forever._ What once could have been a threat was a promise now.

With a feverish desire both boys stripped naked, kissing in between every piece of clothes that was thrown to the floor. Jace had seen Alec naked countless times, but never like that. Never like it meant something. He couldn’t stop kissing him, biting his skin, sucking at it, leaving marks all over it. He couldn’t and he didn’t want to. And the way Alec moaned and pulled him closer, kissing him back, his teeth scrapping his own skin and leaving marks of his own made it clear that Alec didn’t either. Their bond was roaring between them, the feeling more intense than it had ever been. It was a burning sensation, not painful, but intense. It was the way it was supposed to be, Jace couldn’t help but think. Their emotions went back and forth like they were playing ping pong, Jace’s own desire mirrored in Alec’s.

The only time they pulled away for longer than catching their breaths was Alec’s search for lube in his drawer, a small blush coloring his cheeks while doing so. He looked up at Jace, who had set back on his heels, his eyes’ still glazed over with want and his lips slightly swollen.

_Fuck. He was so beautiful._

As soon as Alec found the tube, he felt himself been pushed down again, the tube taken away. He couldn’t help but smile, a little embarrassed by the fact how much it turned him on to be manhandled like that. But when he felt Jace’s knees between his legs all he could do was open up eagerly, making room for his Parabatai. _His lover._ A low growl escaped him while thinking that. Jace took it as the invitation it was and started to circle his entrance with a lubed finger teasingly, before he finally pushed in. Alec moaned and pushed back.

“Fuck.” Jace groaned. Both were lost in the sensation, the added emotions through the bond from the other nearly too much.

“Please Jace. I need more. I need you. Please.”

Alec didn’t care that he begged, he just wanted, he just needed to feel more.

With a smirk Jace complied and added a second and a third finger, before he finally lubed up his cock and pushed in.

The sensation hit Jace full force. The feeling of being inside his Parabatai was overwhelming. He tried to hold back and set up a slow pace, wanting Alec to adjust to it, but when he felt Alec’s legs come up and settle around his waist, there was no holding back anymore. He moved faster, his hips snapped forward, his moans accompanied by Alec’s. Jace felt himself fly higher and higher, their bond opening up even more. It was like a fire burning inside him, not unpleasantly, but in a cleansing way. The fire was burning away the darkness, leaving only ashes behind, the best ground to build something new. With every thrust Jace soared higher, but before he could hit the top and start to fall, he felt something holding him back. A pull that wanted him back on earth, a darkness that put out the flame inside of him. Yet, he was so close to the edge of orgasm, he wasn’t sure he could hold back to try to reach the height again. Under him he felt Alec spasm, the sensation enough to pull him over together with his Parabatai. Their joint orgasm hit them like a wave and all they could do to not drown in it was to hold on to each other. Jace collapsed on top of Alec, breathing hard, resting for a while before he pulled carefully out.

Jace’s eyes still were closed but their lips found each other. They kissed for a long moment before the blond opened his eyes to look at his lover and smiled. Before Jace could start to speak, he was silenced by another kiss.

“Later. You need to sleep first. I can feel how tired you are. How exhausted.” With their bond so open, there was no way denying it. Jace was tired to the bones, but not in the desperate way he had been before. But still, his body needed sleep. His mind needed it just as much. So he just nodded, but before he curled up into his Parabatai to finally get the needed rest, he pulled some Kleenex out of the drawer and cleaned them both up tenderly.


	4. Chapter 4

Jace was the first to wake up. He felt refreshed and rested. He was still laying on top of Alec, one arm sprawled protectively over the older boy’s bare chest. He took some minutes to just enjoy the sensation, listening to the raven boy’s steady heartbeat and playing with his chest hair, before he pulled away. He knew today was the day. The day he needed to face the darkness. The day he needed to face his brother and see what his father’s words truly meant. He sighed when he looked down at Alec, who slept peacefully, a faint smile still on his lips. He hated to cause him pain. Yet, he knew there was no way around it. He sighed again and got slowly up to not disturb him. His clothes lay on the floor where they had thrown them in the rush to finally feel naked skin against naked skin. Silently, he got dressed.

***

Alec stirred in his sleep. There was something missing, he just could not put his finger on it, he was still in the land between dreams and being fully awake. This changed immediately when he realized what was missing – the comforting weight of his Parabatai, who had slept the whole night on top of him. He turned around to see Jace fully dressed and move away. His hand shot out and closed around the blond’s wrist, jerking him back. He caught Jace off-guard and the blond landed on top of him – not very gracefully this time.

“Where do you think you are going,” Alec hissed through his teeth. Jace just looked down on him, an eyebrow raised. Alec still held Jace by his wrist with a force he was sure it would leave marks. But Alec didn’t care, if Jace thought he could go now, leaving him behind while Jace was facing his demons alone, he was wrong. So fucking wrong. Alec couldn’t believe that after all that happened last night, Jace would still do something like that. Maybe he had never meant it, never meant it the way he himself had meant it. Before his old insecurities could fully take over he was silenced by warm lips pressed against his.

“I wanted to get us coffee actually. We need to talk, Alec. But if you have something else in mind…” Jace lips trailed down to his earlobe, sending goosebumps down Alec’s body.

“Oh,” Alec said sheepishly, blushing a little. “I just…”

“You just thought I would go.” Jace concluded, the playfulness gone from his tone. “You trust me that much, eh?” He withdrew his hand from Alec’s grip.

Alec could slap himself for ruining this. He wanted to trust Jace, he did trust him. But the night before he had felt something in their bond. Something that wasn’t right.

“It’s just… You are hiding something, Jace. I could feel it.”

Jace nodded slowly. “That’s why we need to talk. That’s why I wanted to fetch coffee. But we can talk right now if you want.” The hurt was audible, even though the younger man tried to keep his voice even.

“I have ruined it, haven’t I?” Alec looked away, sounding defeated, when he felt Jace’s hand on his chin, forcing him to look up again.

“I think to ruin us much more has to happen. Actually, I think nothing can ruin us. We just need to have faith in us,” Jace said softly, brushing one strain out of Alec’s face, before pulling him in a deep kiss.

“So coffee first?”

Alec nodded. “Please.” When Jace left the room, he pushed himself out of bed to take a quick shower, trying to avoid thinking about what Jace was hiding.

***

Jace returned with two steaming pots of coffee, one black for Alec as he liked it, the other with milk for himself. Next to it he had some waffles, leaving the older boy wondering who had made them.

“Special occasion?” Jace asked with a cocked eyebrow and a brief nod towards the bed. Alec just snorted and inclined his head in acknowledgement. 

_Well one could say that._

For a moment, they both sat in silence, sipping hot coffee and mumbling on their waffles.

“So….” Alec started, looking inquiringly at Jace.

“So…” Jace answered, taking one last sip before he placed the cup on the sideboard. “There is something I haven’t told you and I know I should have. Especially before last night. It’s about Jonathan and what my father said to me before he killed me.” Once started it was surprisingly easy to tell Alec about the curse or whatever you wanted to call it. About the fact that Valentine just had created him as a counterbalance. Of his fear that he needed to die for Jonathan to die with him. That otherwise, if he survived Jonathan would always survive with him. He told him about the findings he and the girls had made, about Lilith and how they thought that she wanted to bring Jonathan fully back to life.

“Neither can die while the other survives.” Alec repeated. “And you believe that?”

“What do you mean?”

“He lied to you before. About you and Clary.”

“But he was about to kill me anyway. Why should he bother with a lie?”

“Maybe he lied more to himself than to you. Maybe even Valentine needed a justification to kill his own son.”

Jace was silent for a while, contemplating this.

“But what about the dreams? What about the way I feel Jonathan is trying to take over my body, my soul?”

“That’s another matter. You are somehow connected. I feel it, too Jace. But I also feel that we can fight it. Make it retreat and vanish. We will go back to that church and battle Lilith and Jonathan. And this time, we won’t just kill him. We will burn him. And there is no way he can comeback then without a body. While I was in Idris I had the chance to talk to a Silent Brother, who did a lot of research in the necromancy area. Even if it’s possible that a soul survives on its own – and that’s big if, it needs to have a body as an anchor. Right now, I think Jonathan really uses you as his anchor, as you are vulnerable to it. But now _your_ body is taken. It’s mine. Even without the protection, our souls together can withstand every intrusion. After last night, I feel that we are different Jace. Our bond has advanced. I’m different now. I’ll be your protection. I will not let anybody separate us again – not my mother, not the Clave.”

“Fuck the Clave.” A spark had settled in Jace’s mismatched eyes, remembering what Alec had said last night after this statement. Remembering what they had done after that.

The spark caught fire in Alec’s eyes and they both leaned forward, kissing each other deeply. Jace could still taste the bitter flavor of black coffee, but in this moment, it was the sweetest taste of all. He smiled into the kiss while he quickly undressed himself and pushed Alec back to the bed. 

This time there was nothing that hold back Jace when he soared higher and higher. This time, he let himself fall completely, as he was sure that Alec was there to catch him. Their bodies melted together as much as their souls and in the end, he had no idea where he ended and Alec began, they were just one. But it also didn’t matter.

***

After they had fallen and had been caught, both lay next to each other, panting, their faces covered with a thin layer of sweat. They were lost for words, but words were also not needed right now. Their bond was like a shining light between them, and Jace could swear that it was a visible line. He at least could see a golden light linking the two of them. The emotions flawed between them effortlessly and he couldn’t quite say which emotion belonged to him and which to Alec. He felt Alec’s hand on his skin before he even touched him and he looked up.

“I love you, Jace.”

“And I love you.”

The words once carried fear in them, the fear to hurt the person they were directed at, but also the fear to get hurt in return. Now they were just words, stating a fact that was undeniable, said aloud or not. But it was nice to hear them anyway.

Alec sighed. “We need to get going.”

“Yes. We need to kill my brother.”

Alec chuckled darkly. “And his mother.”

Jace returned the dark smile and without thinking, he activated his runes.

“Let me try something.”

He closed his eyes briefly and concentrated, pushing the feeling of activating his runes through their bond. Alec gasped in surprise when he felt his whole body lighting up and burning, the power of his runes kicking in. Jace’s face lit up with a smug smile.

“I think we are ready. Let’s go.”

***

They met Izzy and Clary on their way out of the Institute. After a brief moment of hesitation, Jace explained to the two women how important it was that this time, they would get rid of Jonathan’s body for good by burning his corpse. Jace didn’t elaborate on why, but Izzy and Clary didn’t question it. They were focused on other things. The only comments they got was a “Finally, boys” from Izzy and a “That’s what they mean when everyone is talking about a glow up…” from Clary.

And it was true, they were glowing. Though the others couldn’t see it, there was a shimmering line between them that connected them like an elastic band. It stretched when they were further apart, getting thinner – but it never broke.

Jace felt stronger than ever before. He and Alec moved like they were one body, the other the extension to their own body. His adrenaline level was already on battle level and thus their bond in battle mode. And this time not only their heartbeats synchronized, but also their movements and thoughts. Without having to look, Jace knew where Alec would move in the next moment - even before the other started to act. They were one.

“How do we know this is the right time?” Clary looked at the two boys with a raised eyebrow.

Jace shrugged.

“It is. It is as if someone is calling me here. I still can hear the voice calling me – but I don’t feel the pull to comply anymore. But believe me, it’s there and it is the right time.”

Alec smiled darkly at these words.

_Because you’re mine now and I’ll never let go of you again._

They stood in front of the seemingly abandoned church. Nothing pointed towards the fact that inside a greater demon was about to resurrect her son. It was the quiet before the storm.

As silently as the last time, the four of them entered the church. A group of mundanes was gathered around the altar. There was an eerie silence although the place seemed crowded. One mundane after the other stepped forward to cut their throat, letting the blood run into the stony patterns, the dark color of the blood indicating that they indeed were possessed by a demon. None made a noise or showed any other sign of discomfort or pain. After each turn, the mundanes stepped back in line and the wound on their throat closed itself.

A woman with long, black hair and red lips was standing behind the altar, watching carefully over her underlings. 33 mundanes were gathered around her, all with the same distant expression on their face, each clearly under her influence. 33 mundanes to nurse her son back to life – the son she had tortured and yet claimed to love.

“We need to be careful. I guess these mundanes will start to fight as soon as we attack. And they are still human – we shouldn’t kill them,” Alec whispered. All nodded, no one questioned that Alec was their leader. “Izzy, Clary, you will take care of them, knock them out if possible. Jace and I will target Lilith. I fear the ritual is about to end, so we should expect Jonathan to appear. Either way, we need to find his body and destroy it. But first we need to send Lilith back to Edom.”

His voice sounded calm and strangely he was. He felt the usual anticipation before battle, but he felt a certainty that they were capable of handling that situation that was bordering to recklessness. When the realization hit him, he smirked. He felt Jace’s recklessness through their bond and had identified it as his own feeling. Well, maybe Jace would feel his concerns in return and would thus be more careful.

Clary and Izzy started to draw some more runes on their bodies. The two boys just stared at each other and after a split second of hesitation, Jace pulled Alec in a deep kiss. The girls knew anyway. As in their room, Jace activated first his runes and then Alec’s, making their bodies light up golden. The strength from their runes felt amplified like that, the golden band between them glowed in a newfound brightness. They kissed again, and with every moment their tongues fought playfully for dominance, their bond opened wider, their runes burned fiercer and their minds melted together even more.

“Let’s go.”

Like a perfect oiled machine the four urged forward. They used the old church banks and columns as protection to get as close to Lilith and her little demonic army as possible without being seen.

Alec had drawn an arrow and readied his bow. As soon as he was close enough, he aimed for Lilith, who was not yet aware of the threat, she was too fixated on murmuring the right words for the blood ritual to work. Jace felt the coldness trying to invade his body as closer as they got to the altar, but the heat that radiated from their joint bond burnt more intense than any darkness could.

Alec let his arrow fly, but somehow Lilith must have sensed the threat in the end. She looked up the exact moment Alec let the arrow loose and one of her underlings jumped up to cover her. The arrow hit the man right in the chest and he slumped to the ground. Lilith clapped once in her hands and the 32 mundanes attacked without hesitation the four Shadowhunters. Lilith shot her dark magic towards them in an ongoing stream of light and energy balls. As planned, Izzy and Clary attacked the mundanes and Alec and Jace lunged at Lilith.

When Lilith lay eyes on Jace, she screamed in fury. “What have you done? You were supposed to be my son’s body. What have you done? But it’s too late, too late.” The maniac laughter from Jace’s dream rang through the church and the four Shadowhunters had to force themselves not to cover their ears in agony as the crescendo of her madness swapped over them.

Lilith pulled the mundane next to her in a kiss and poured all her demonic energy into him, sucking out his humanity in the process. Mundanes were as unprotected against evil possession as Jace had been before his union with Alec, so the mundane was easy prey. She had hoped for a stronger human body for her son, but Lilith knew that she didn’t have a choice anymore. The ritual was nearly finished, all she needed now was a willing body. She didn’t recognize the force that protected Jace, as true love was an unknown concept to her. Yet, she knew the protection was there.

The moment all humanity had left the man’s body, he started to transform. His features crumbled into himself. With a low, anguished shriek his shoulders got a bit broader, his fingers longer and more delicate, he grew several inches. His hair turned from brown to red and his eyes switched from blue to green to inky black.

While her son came back to life, Lilith transformed into her demonic self. Huge, black wings spread out of her back and she rose high in the air. Her once beautiful human face transformed into a dragon head, spitting fire on the Shadowhunters and mundanes below her, not caring whom she hit – just making sure that her precious son was spared.

It was not the first time that Jace and Alec felt that the Parabatai bond was designed for battle, but the first time they felt the true extend of it. Jace felt Alec’s thoughts ringing in his mind as if his lover spoke directly to him. The band between them guided them along, each always knowing which move the other made in the exact moment. Alec had drawn his seraph blade while getting closer. Both their blades shone with blazing fire they hadn’t seen before. The blades burnt in the red-orange color of real flames, as if actual heavenly fire was running through them - yet they were cool to the touch.

Without hesitation Alec moved behind Lilith, avoiding the fireballs she spit at them. Together as one they jumped high in the air, a fire burning in them that unleashed unknown strength and power. Without having actual wings it was like they were flying. They soared as high as Lilith and in one fluid motion they buried simultaneously their seraph blades into the demon. Impaled on both their burning weapons, Lilith was not able to brake free or move. Both Shadowhunters pushed their blades just a litte deeper into her and with a mourning scream, Lilith dissolved into thin air. They had banished her back to Edom.

They landed both gracefully back on solid ground just in time to turn and face Jonathan. The transformation was complete, no trace of the human the man once had been left. Jonathan’s black eyes were fixed on Jace. A cold shiver ran over the blond’s spine, but one look at Alec made the coldness waver and heat return.

The burning fire had destroyed their blades and they threw the useless weapons away. There was no time for doubts or fear. There was just time to act. Time to finally kill all their demons. Without having to communicate his plan verbally, Jace sprang high in the air over Jonathan and landed behind him. They felt Jonathan’s demonic power radiating from him. The redhead hold his arms up and instantly the mundanes that had not yet been immobilized by Clary and Izzy turned to him, trying to reach for the boys. Besides that, they heard the clapping of wings and the scratching noise of claws that tried to enter the church. Jonathan had called for help and help was coming, all demons that had flooded New York in the past days heading towards the church.

Dark magic was pouring out of Jonathan’s fingertips, but it was nothing against the combined angelic power Jace and Alec possessed. Alec drew a throwing knife and a dagger. He threw the knife while jumping forward to face Jonathan. Jonathan stepped slightly to the side to avoid being hit by the knife, enough distracted to not focus on Jace behind him. Jace jumped forward to catch the other off guard. With a practiced move he embraced Jonathan’s neck to snap it the exact moment Alec’s dagger found its way in the redhead’s heart. Alec yanked the dagger back to be able to use it again, but there was no need for the weapon anymore. Jonathan didn’t even have time to scream, his lips just had formed a silent “o” before all life left his body, turning his black eyes green again.

With Jonathan’s death the demons outside the church retreated and the mundanes in the room fell to the ground, not able to move without Jonathan guiding them.

Jace let go of Jonathan’s dead body and looked into Alec’s eyes, the fire burning inside him reflected in Alec’s. He pulled Alec closer and kissed him roughly, ignoring Jonathan’s blood that had painted the older boy’s face. With a low growl Jace let go of Alec. They needed to focus. He bent down over the corpse that could have been his brother - in a different world, in a different timeline, with different parents. Without hesitation he drew his Stele and applied a rune on Jonathan’s forehead that sat the corpse on fire. Both boys stood there and watched Jonathan burn, the flames dancing in their eyes.

Their trance was interrupted by Izzy. “The mundanes are all dead. We checked, no one survived being possessed first by Lilith and then by Jonathan. What do we do now?”

The fire in their eyes still shone bright when they both answered simultaneously. “Now we burn it all down to ashes.”

They were about to reach for each other, to amplify the fire rune when they hesitated for a moment. Was this too much? Would they cross a line with amplifying their power in such a way? Before they could decide, Clary cut in.

“Step aside. I’ll use my own rune to destroy that place.” She drew the destroying rune she already had used to burn down the Morningstar on her palm and aimed it at the ceiling and the wall furthest away from them.

Without another word the four left the church. Behind them, the cathedral exploded in fire. Alec’s and Jace’s hands were linked while walking out, as much as their souls were. They felt their heartbeats going back to a normal pace, their breaths calming and with that, they felt the fire in them vanishing – but both knew, it was just a tiny step away. Both knew they could call for it every moment they liked.

***

Later in the shower they scrubbed each other clean, purifying each other from the demonic fluid and influence that had covered them. When no traces were left, Jace pushed Alec against the shower wall, kissing him, claiming him. He could still see the marks he had left behind the night and morning before and he couldn’t help the smug smile. Alec groaned while he kissed back, giving as much as taking.

“We will have to deal with my mother now. I’m done with being pushed around,” Alec managed to fit in between two hot kisses.

Jace laughed. He was also done. Done with being scared to be found out, done with obeying every stupid law and order the Clave threw their way. It was time for a change.

“Agreed. But this is for tomorrow. And I hope you’re not being done with being pushed around by me. I just have started.” With a wicked smile he kissed Alec again before he pushed Alec down to his knees, enjoying the way Alec looked up at him between his long, thick lashes that were covered with small drops of water. Jace moaned shamelessly when his lover gladly obeyed the unspoken order and opened up his mouth to swallow him whole.

***

The next day the two boys entered Maryse’s office. The bond between them, though invisible to others, was still recognizable to them. It sparkled golden in the faint light of the early morning light. There was a certain calmness in the way they moved, a security they had never known before. Joint together like that, there was nothing that could stop them. Not even Maryse.

“Hello mother.” Alec’s tone was cold and even, practical. He looked at the woman who had raised him, but he didn’t feel the need to impress her or seek her approval like before. Finally he had grown up.

“Alec. I requested to see you alone.” Maryse’s voice matched Alec’s, there was no affection audible in the harsh words. Her mouth was pressed into a thin line after the statement and she glared at Jace, clearly expecting him to leave.

“What you have to say, you can say in front of Jace. There is no need for sneakiness. Besides, we both wanted to talk to you anyway.”

Maryse stepped closer to Alec, a deadly expression on her face now.

“Be careful. You may think that you are discrete, but I know what it going on between you two. And we all now what will happen when I tell the Clave about you. But I will not allow you to ruin and dishonor the Lightwood name, Alexander. I’ve raised you better than this. Jace will be transferred to Idris so that he can spend time with his grandmother – at least that is the official version. And you, Alexander, will stay here at the Institute and marry a girl form a decent Shadowhunter family. Is that understood?”

Alec just stared at her and snorted. Jace had crossed his arms before his chest and leaned against the doorframe, a relaxed expression on his face. He knew his Parabatai got this. He knew his lover needed to settle this for himself. As much as he had needed to battle his demons, it was time that Alec got rid of his own – his mother and her expectations towards him, that had nothing to do with the person he was, but all with the things Maryse wanted for herself.

“Oh, I think you are mistaken here, mother. The one who is transferring to Idris – or to whatever place you want for that matter – is you. Jace and I, we will stay here. In fact, you will resign and make me the next Head of the Institute. Or pick Jace if you think he is the better successor.”

Alec sounded calm and certain. Jace was immensely proud, there was no sign of the obedient child Alec had always been.

“Who do you think you are? I am not doing any of that. You two have broken Clave law. I will report you if you don’t obey.”

“Oh, mother. I wouldn’t do that.” Alec’s eyes flashed golden, the way Jace’s always did when he activated his runes without a Stele. His voice was now as dangerously low as his mother’s – and still calm, the calmness reflecting the one of a predator.

“So far, Jace and I are loyal to the Clave. And we don’t plan on changing that. But if you threaten us, if _they threaten us…_ We have defeated Valentine, we have defeated his son, we have defeated Lilith – I’m sure we will find enough people who will follow _us_. Thanks to Izzy and my short relationship with Magnus we have ties to the Downworld nearly no other Shadowhunter has – and we are planning of keeping it that way, better to say – we will deepen these relationships. As I said, right now, we are planning on staying loyal to the Clave, but…”

“Are you threatening me?” Maryse tried to sound stern, but she couldn’t help the small shiver in her voice. Alec’s eyes still shone in a bright golden tone, the power the two men in front of her radiated was nothing she could ignore. It was true, there were many who kind of worshipped them for defeating Valentine. If words got out what they had done in addition… and the Downworlders were also a force to reckon with, they were not longer willing to let themselves be suppressed.

“No, mother, we are not threatening you. We are informing you. You have until end of this week to hand in your resignation and appoint your successor. Me or Jace.”

“No. Alec is our leader. Always was and always will be,” the blond cut in, smiling. It was true, he himself had always been a soldier, not a leader. And he was fine with that. Alec turned around to look at him, their eyes briefly locked. A power jolted through their bodies that made all runes on them light up briefly. Maryse gulped but nodded. She knew when a tactical retreat was the better choice.

***

Back in their room, Alec felt himself pulled into a heated kiss.

“I love when you go on full leader mode,” Jace whispered in his ear, before he started to lick down his deflect rune.

“Do you, really?” Alec teased, but couldn’t help the moan escaping him.

“But we have to be careful.”

Jace nodded, he understood what Alec meant. There was a pull in their bond that could raise them even higher. But both knew they had to keep that in check. The power they shared now, the intimacy that came with it, was something they could explore a little further – but there was a barrier they shouldn’t cross. But when he looked at Alec with his eyes full of love, he knew they wouldn’t. Protecting Alec had always been his priority and he knew it was also the case vice versa. The need to protect each other from harm would always excel the need for quick power. The need to keep Alec save would always be his driving force, so he didn’t worry about the curse, the barrier or anything that came with it. In fact, Jace felt that it was the first time in his life that he didn’t worry at all. It was the first time that he felt like he was exactly where and with whom he was supposed to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Valentine's words "Neither can die while the other survives" are inspired by the prophecy made to Harry Potter. 
> 
> Comments & kudos are loved 💙


End file.
